Path of Exile’s next expansion – Settlers of Kalguur – doesn’t launch until July 26th (with a full reveal scheduled for July 18th), but that’s not stopping the community from having fun with it already.
The teaser trailer for the 3.25 Settlers tie-in dropped five days ago, and with it implication this would be the famous “boat link” developer Grinding Gear Games has been teasing for ages. Mind you, there’s a fine line with this company between mocking and trolling, so it’s entirely possible that the mechanic this time around will have almost nothing to do with boats, as we saw with the Heist tie-in. Fans get silly with it though and not only assume it’s going to be a boat tie-in, but pretend it’s already out and give each other advice on optimal boat builds and such.
“This is helpful and all but it gives no guidance on how to place my crew. Basically useless even without the crew,” writes Unarchy in response to the ‘boat building’ post, to which another user replies, “All 63 crew. except the a steer ALWAYS goes into the crown.”
Later in the thread, Clownshoes_Exile chimes in with some sage wisdom: “Don’t square sail the spanker. You have to shove your spanker for a lucky roll.” Iwfcyb corrects them, noting, “No no. You have to raise your spar first, then shove it.” Completing the saga, nowicanblockWPs writes, “Now that I’m getting older, I’m finding it harder and harder to lift my spade.”
It goes on and on, so if you’re looking for a good laugh and to kill an hour, read it. While you’re at it, give the legend ‘What a return in a few years looks like’ thread a look that no doubt inspired this silliness.
A similar post appeared just a few hours later, in which user Kholnik indicates that everyone will be running around in a boat and taking loot trawler-style (while avoiding fearsome water Rhoas – as if the current ones weren’t bad enough). User manowartank runs with the joke and says that players will use Ascendancies to power their boats, writing, “Is Deadeye overpowered again by Gathering Winds?” Really, when a game has a seemingly infinite amount of mechanics, the well of jokes is bottomless.
A third a thread then popped up a few more hours later in which user tommos says we’ll have to fight a kraken for currency. Sounds scary, but at least there’s an Enzomyte ship with immunity to kraken attacks – or there would be if it weren’t for a major bug (damn!). “xsicho” responds with a solution, writing, “Just use the Lioneye Navigator so you can spot the kraken from two screens away. You don’t need defenses if you can just escape from krakens off-screen.” Tommos might be happy with this if he wasn’t a minmaxer (“But that means five less cargo slots per ship…”), so hopefully Grinding Gear Games fixes this imaginary bug before players start getting pissed off at this bogus link.
No doubt more of these threads will appear in the coming days. Path of Exile players have to somehow stay sane during teaser week, after all.
If you’re looking for more Path of Exile content, check out our Sanctum Guide here at Pro Game Guides.
